Free Fall

free falling

I gave my heart to Christ over and over again in secondary school. Every good message caused me to give my life to Christ again … lol.

I took my relationship with God very seriously; I wrote numerous letters to Him, I fasted, I prayed and did everything humanly possible to do right. He took me through life perfectly sorting every obstacle that came my way. God sees my heart and my utmost desire to please Him, I thought …

But then, he left.

He just walked away and didn’t look back…

My beliefs were shattered!

I couldn’t figure out what was true anymore.I wept for days but as I did, I held on to the word of God. I was certain that “Everything will work together for my good, because I love God…”

Reality hit me when I realized that what I just found was a glimpse of the reality on ground. My “ God fearing” Husband had been living a double life. He had a family just like mine and he had chosen her over me. He had chosen her over the church he pastored. He had left me and my world behind and he never looked back…

I was shattered, I was bitter! It all felt like a dream but as much as I tried, I couldn’t wake up… I questioned everything I ever believed in … Is God real? Is Church a charade? Do prayers work? The questions were endless.

I tried to end it all, The relationship between “the God” and I had to end. I tried hard but He won’t let me go. He gave me peace that I couldn’t understand although I didn’t want it. All I wanted was to go far from Him. He just won’t let me go.

He used people to pour love on my wounded heart. He had to be real…

Hope, Joy, Love, Peace, Faith were all restored and the pain didn’t hurt as much anymore. I could actually laugh heartily if you cracked a good joke… lol

Hmmm…

I didn’t get the happy ending I desired and I really don’t know why. He alone knows the end from the beginning. I have just chosen to trust Him anyway.

I won’t try to figure it out.

I will just take it one day at a time ….

#JustWritingAloud AL

 

 

 

*…Blog picture [Free Falling] gotten from https://sacredlanguage.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/free-falling1.jpg through google search.

2 thoughts on “Free Fall

  1. For every knowledge comes a test and an exam to deepen your knowledge to understand. The Bible said that the trials of our faith works glorious things in us. A gold must go through fire to be valuable or desirable. Precious things go through a test to be desirable.

    Like

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