I can’t change my story but I am hopeful for a new start.
The first three Christmases didn’t matter as Toke had no clue what was going on.
This Christmas was different; she anticipated it with so much delight.
The difficult part wasn’t the money to buy Christmas dresses and gifts for my baby.
It was shopping for her while she was with me.
How was I to surprise her if she was with me all the time?
This particular challenge wasn’t peculiar to Christmas.
There were so many times I wished I had my parents in the same city as me.
I wish someone would offer to babysit my Toke.
Sometimes, I just want to walk around the mall all by myself but as a single mother,
this seems impossible.
This Christmas, I wish my Toke and I would be invited to lunch or dinner with a regular family. I want my baby to know that there is a better kind of life…
better doesn’t mean perfect, I know !
I feel tired and abandoned …
I have a loving family and an awesome church but still feel empty.
I do not regret having my beautiful Toke. After all, I had a choice to get rid of her …
I regret the reckless life that I lived.
I regret that my Toke will never know who her biological father is …
I regret! I regret!! I regret!!!
My regret won’t change anything though.
I pledge to live a life worthy of emulation as I hold on to the One that gives us the desires of our heart. I pledge to put my gaze on the One who loves me far more than I love myself and maybe someday, He will give me a friend who will win our hearts to become husband and father…
Maybe, Just Maybe …