Exclusionary detailing involves leaving out a very important detail,
omitting certain facts or failing to correct a misconception that is crucial to understanding a whole picture.
It is intentionally leaving out certain details in order to deceive; which is a lie.
Sometimes, A spouse may feel like a piece of information isn’t vital or may get afraid of the reactions that he/she may receive from telling the whole truth. Well, where this is the case, it means that their communication is crippled or a spouse is intentionally doing something wrong.
Although people may say that “ what you don’t know wouldn’t hurt …”
The truth always comes out in the end.
For any relationship to thrive, there must be trust because without trust,
there is a breakdown in communication which in turn takes away friendship and intimacy.
What is the essence of a marriage without friendship and intimacy?
What is the essence of marriage when you cannot lean on a spouse to get succour?
We must note that exclusionary detailing starts with “little” white lies and
evolves into devastating secrets which violates relationships.
Once the relationship is violated,there will always be a lingering feeling of doubt.
As lies call into question what the reality of the relationship really was.
Many important beliefs and values are questioned.
Nothing feels real anymore after the lies are out in the open.
Even where forgiveness has taken place, insecurity may linger on …
I have heard people say that trust is a gift that is given unconditionally.
But is it really?
Jesus asked the Jewish opponents in John 10: 37 not to believe Him unless he does the work of His Father. I would think that Jesus didn’t expect to be trusted just because He said He was the son of God. He wanted to EARN their trust based on WORKS.
To my mind, there must be more than an apology to earn trust.
The offending spouse must work to earn trust back.
The ultimate manipulation tactics must stop; Statements like ” you wouldn’t have been able to handle it, just like you are doing right now”, is an outright manipulation.
The offending spouse must be willing to give information even when it isn’t asked for or when He/she feels the other spouse may not be able to handle it.
He/She MUST INTENTIONALLY tell the truth about places visited, people with whom he/her has communicated with, topics of discussions and monies spent.
It is only by telling it all that security is restored and trust is rebuilt.
Never forget that half-truth is a whole lie – Unknown