Vacuum [III]

praying woman

We ate and chatted but he blew it! He had to be in church for Pastor Zeb’s birthday party at 8pm. I was sad. Why wasn’t I invited? I calmly asked Mike why I wasn’t invited and he said the party was for deacons and pastors. I was heart-broken. I was heart broken at the fact that he saw nothing wrong with the situation. I thought marriage made us one…He dressed up and left for the party. I stayed home and wept. Mike got home at 2:30am.

… continued

My spirit was nagging and I knew that my mouth would vomit it all very soon and I decided to work. I got a job and work was awesome!! I stayed at work as long as I could and played with the kids the best I could. I still felt lonely. Mike had meetings in church everyday. Why did this bother me? I heard so much about Pastor Winnie that I felt uneasy.

Mike would not sit with me during services, we couldn’t give jointly, he won’t wear native anymore to church, he won’t help with the kids in church and the late nights became the norm. I didn’t know who to speak with. I thought of calling Pastor Lanre but what was I complaining about? How was I to tell him that my husband’s commitment in church had me lonely and unhappy? Mike had always been committed in church. Why is this different?

The situation at home got me sick. I tried to work it off but found myself in the hospital after I had passed out at the office. Mike was by my side when I woke up and he was smiling so sweetly. He planted a kiss on my lips and told me how much he loved me. He didn’t seem worried at all. It bothered me a bit. The doctor walked in and congratulated me. I couldn’t figure out why but it didn’t take long before I put two and two together. I was pregnant. This was bad timing. Tammy was barely one year old. I wasn’t ready and I made it clear to Mike.

I got home to my very excited babies. It felt good to be missed so much. Pastor Winnie called and to my utmost shock, she encouraged me to accept God’s gift. Mike told her??!! I was amazed. Mike and I had our first roar that night. Six years and we had never raised our voices at each other. The kids cried hysterically as Sibusiso took them away from the heat. Mike said things to me that I have chosen not to recall. I cried for days. The days that followed were the worse as Mike came home only to sleep. I prayed for myself and for him too. I blamed myself for everything. I started taking long walks, speaking in tongues and praying. The heaviness I felt had to leave by all means.

to be continued shortly …




*…Blog picture [praying woman] gotten from through google search



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