Few days later, I got a very detailed mail from the only person that knew what I was going through. She made my problem seem so small as she pointed me towards a BIG God. She explained to me that the first step to every problem was to talk to the One who knows the end from the beginning.
I realized that I had cried, screamed and thought but I had never really prayed. I had never really poured out my heart to the One who has the answer to my problem. For the first time, I knelt down and talked to God, Father to daughter.
What great relief it was, I was lighter than I had been for months .
As I moved to her second advice, I was shocked at what I found out .. I couldn’t wait for Emma to return…
The Reality Stage …
As Emma walked through the door, I welcomed him warmly with a smile
(I hadn’t done that in a while)
I could see the skepticism on his face. He wanted to know what changed.
“Emma I want to accept what you have to offer.
It’s for better or for worse … this is the worse.
It can only get better” I said.
He stared at me and fought the tears that almost popped out of his eyes but he didn’t say a word.
I went into the kitchen, hid myself and cried for a minute. I didn’t want him to see me crying so I washed my face and wore my smile like a mask. Days after, we kept trying to reach the main ‘event’ but he could never see ‘it’ through. Each time, I reassured him that we have eternity together ( I didn’t believe me). The disappointment was frustrating. I was so thirsty … the frustration I felt couldn’t be expressed in words but I tried to focus on the One who is able.
I talked a lot to my BIG GOD and finally it paid off
Emma opened up.
He told me how frustrated he felt and how he felt less than a man. He was sorry that he put me in the ‘situation’ and was ready to give me my freedom. I didn’t deserve it … we both sat on the floor and wept so bitterly.
I finally had my chance to walk away. A chance to move on to a man who could satisfy my thirst but I couldn’t leave …
I held him close till he slept off…
He woke up very excited. He even had a bounce to his steps … lol
This was my opportunity!!!
I said a quick prayer and talked to him about visiting a specialist.
He said he was too embarrassed and once again,
I reassured him. He didn’t want anyone to find out.
Few weeks later, we were on our way to meet up our appointment dressed like ‘men in Black’ … we both wore face caps and for the first time, we laughed until we cried…
We also didn’t drive to the hospital. We took a taxi.
That’s how embarrassed Emma was.
If that was what it took to have him see a specialist, it was very fine by me.
The elderly doctor was just perfect!!!
His grey hair made it easy for Emma to speak so frankly. I was excited!!!
Blood samples were taken for tests to be run and after a week, we revisited still dressed like undercover police men … hahahaha!!!
: – Diagnosis: –
… to be continued
… Final Stage