There are things I wish I could go back in time and advise myself about.
One of such advice would be ASK FOR HELP.
I honestly don’t know where I got the impression that mothers don’t get tired of tending to their kids. I thought it was “unmotherly” to admit that I didn’t feel like bathing, feeding or being all so motherly. I thought it meant I was irresponsible.
I was determined to live up to my mothering ideals and do EVERYTHING perfectly.
And since “perfect” is an unattainable feat, I kept running my marathon on a treadmill… Never reaching the finish line of perfection.
BECAUSE PERFECT MOTHERING IS A MYTH
A myth which robs us of our identity as individuals.
Life suddenly revolves around the kids with the words; ME or I going into obscurity.
This isn’t negative in itself if only fatigue, boredom, loneliness, depression or a feeling of being martyred doesn’t set in.
Truth is, most times they do… usually because when we are overwhelmed with caring for our little ones, we do not know how to articulate words to ask for help. We get afraid of asking someone else to do “our job” and we often get resentful when no one offers.
CAN’T HE SEE THAT I’VE BEEN ON MY FEET ALL DAY?!!
I guess he has. However, there is an impression that changing diapers, feeding the kids, picking up toys, bathing them and basically sorting them out is an inherent gift that women are endowed with at birth. It is believed that it comes to us “naturally” and we love it!
Hello world! I don’t know for other women but I’m speaking for myself,
I would rather not do it. Not changing diaper as a mother won’t get me sad … lol
Getting help with “my chores” would be a great relief which in turn, would allow me give the best of myself to the kids. They would get the side of me that always wants to play because there will be NO issues with mental and physical fatigue.
I would just let them explore; throw toys around, learn to feed themselves while I laugh at the mess they make out of it, let them have a big splash while they have a bubble bath and fed them the healthiest foods if someone else will clean up afterwards while I just enjoy the moment, take pictures and cuddle up with them when they are clean and sleepy.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing stuff for my Kids. The thing is, I get TIRED.
I get tired of doing the same thing over and over again for years without having a breather. I get tired of giving my best and yet having a messy house.
I’m not asking to be replaced, ALL I WANT IS A BREATHER …
And so, I have learnt just recently to ask for help. I normally would not let anyone bathe my kids but now, I would ask my housekeeper when I feel tired. If my sister came visiting, I would ask her to take the kids to the park if she didn’t mind. In doing this, I have found out that asking for help doesn’t make me a bad mother but rather, it makes me value every moment I spend with the kids.
I’m not brooding and expecting verbal affirmation for giving my all to the kids. I get to enjoy my “ME” time sometimes knowing that what counts isn’t the times that I give myself a break but rather the relationship that I’m able to build when I am present in every sense of the word.
A relationship built on love, trust, laughs, resolved misunderstandings and faithfulness rather than unrealistic expectations that leave me sapped and gasping for an identity.
*…Blog picture [perfect mother] gotten from http://tx.english-ch.com/teacher/abby/level-c/the-curse-of-the-perfect-mother/ through google search