“My Naija boy” was all bruised.
… that was his worse experience in life and next to that was the taste of Dr. pepper.
He got my parents’ consent and nothing else mattered.
The wedding would hold during the summer.
Nigerian Traditional wedding in Akure and
Christian wedding in Kansas…
… Phase Six
The days that followed were hectic. Not because of the work involved in planning a wedding but because everyone seemed to believe that they had the right to make choices for me.
I’m “Oyibo” but I definitely know how I want to look on my traditional wedding day. No one can imagine how many traditional wedding pictures I had on my laptop.
The day finally came…
I had twenty guest from Kansas who thought they would have the opportunity to meet Lions, Elephants or carry a bucket of water on their heads. The shock of the beautiful cities of Lagos and Akure was a pleasant one. The Yoruba culture of the groom and his friends prostrating in front of my parents was the most fascinating of the whole event. We danced the night away as the melody from the talking drums filled the atmosphere.
*…Blog picture [joy] gotten from http://mymarriageblog.weebly.com/gallery through google search.
“Good afternoon sir” I said
“Good afternoon my dear ” (with a stern expression)
“Tayo has just informed me of his intention to marry you”
“ You are a foreigner and I’m sure you don’t understand what you are getting into”
“Marriage in Nigeria is serious business”
“I understand that, sir”
“A Nigerian wife has responsibilities”
“Can you cook?” (I thought it was a rhetorical question)
“My dear! Can you cook?? (with his voice raised)
I stuttered a “Yes Sir” I actually couldn’t cook but Tayo’s dad scared me at this point.
I wasn’t sure if my inability to cook would end a marriage that hadn’t even started.
I told a couple more lies out of fear …
“ A LOT of Kids?! Why would I want “A lot of Kids??
Wearing “iro” and “buba”? OMG!!! That wasn’t even as scary as being married to the Omotosho family …. He explained that in Nigeria, family didn’t ask for permission before visiting and staying in a hotel wasn’t even an option…
I finished my meeting feeling ruffled as I walked towards Tayo…
… Phase five
I was definitely unnerved by my meeting with “papa Tayo”
(that’s what everyone called him)
I could barely eat my Jollof rice …
Meeting the Omotosho’s didn’t go as smooth as I had envisaged and next was our visit to the Watsons’ (my folks)
… At least not until Tayo got on his knees and asked me to be his wife.
I was definitely praying for the question to be asked but didn’t think it would happen this soon.
Tayo and I sat down in his car and talked about our miserable time apart. Our failed relationships and how we would be Mr. and Mrs pretty soon.
We talked about our dreams, hopes, aspirations, desires and we practically planned our wedding within the hour…
Orange and green are our colours
… Phase four
I advised Tayo to call my dad and ask for his permission to ask me to be his wife.
(although he had asked already)
The next morning, I went to Tayo’s place before he left for work.
I had an appointment with my dean; Prof. Adam Olabisi (My Nigerian Father).
Tayo called my dad and I watched him tremble.
“ Hello, Please am I speaking with Mr. Watson?”
“ Good morning Sir”
“ My name is Tayo”
“ Please I love Dominic”
“ Please I really really love Dominic”
“ Please sir I want to be your son-in-law”
“I mean, I want Dominic to be my wife”
“ What I’m trying to say is that I want to ask Dominic to be my wife. I want to marry Dominic, Sir. I want to spend the rest of my life with your daughter, sir.”
(And Tayo was silent for about 20 mins)
I sent Tayo messages reminding him of what we shared.
I begged him not to give up on ‘us’.
I loved him and couldn’t live knowing that he was with someone else …
On one of those nights when I cried myself to sleep,
my mum walked into my room and asked me what I wanted.
“I want Tayo” I told her.
… Phase Three
“ Dominic, Nigerians cannot be trusted” she said
“ They are known to take advantage of young American girls like you”
“Dominic, I hear that they are mean, cruel and controlling”
“ He won’t allow you any freedom…”
“ All he wants is a green card!”
At that point , I couldn’t take it anymore, I screamed and screamed!
“ mum you don’t even know him!”
*…Blog picture [interacial-newlyweds] gotten from http://lifechills.com/cgi-sys/suspendedpage.cgi through google search.
I was welcomed to The Lagos State University College of Medicine.
The dean offered to help me settle in. All I had to do was ask.
I was elated and thanked him before asking him what “ Oyibo” meant.
He laughed too but amidst the laughter, he told me it meant “ White person”
I was a bit flustered but I managed to wear a smile.
I got into the lecture hall and everyone stared at me… (Oyibo on their minds, I guess)
I found a seat and had the most tiring lecture of my life …
Year One seemed like eternity.
I felt like giving up…
I missed home…
The only thing that got me going was friendship with Tayo and Seun. We had become such good friends. Everyone referred to us as the three musketeers…
To me, Tayo and Seun were my tutors. They made me realize how little I knew about Africa. We assumed that intelligence resided with Europeans and Americans but we were so wrong. These men could grasp lessons faster than I could hear them …
The years ran by so quickly after the first year and I was finally ready for graduation. Everybody shouted, “Oyibo! Oyibo!!, Oyibo!!!” as I walked up to collect my certificate. My dad was so proud of me. I was proud of me too. Dr. Dominic Watson…
Daddy finally agreed to my proposal …
I was picked up by two ladies and a young man,
they drove me to my new home and asked a million questions.
Although I didn’t feel like chatting, I had to be courteous …
I had flown for 8 hours and 58 minutes. I was exhausted.
My host had a lovely home. … nothing like I had planned for.
Sunday morning and I’m ready for church but when I step out of my room, they all wanted to know where I was off to. I was a bit baffled. “… isn’t today Sunday?” I asked.
They all said “Yes” in a chorus … lol
I guess they figured it out and ran off to the bathroom.
We drove the streets of Lagos and I was in shock. I saw modern forms of architecture and infrastructure. Not one mud house !
I walked in and the decoration was mind blowing.
I hadn’t been in a church that paid so much attention to details.
The awards started and it was very gallant.
Men, women and children won different awards in in different categories.
This was new to me. My church wasn’t this classy.
I enjoyed every bit of it.
As Bola and I stood waiting for a cab, a Toyota Land Cruiser parked by us and Bola hopped in quicker than I could open my mouth. I sat quietly behind while Bola sat in front and chatted away.
I recognized the middle aged man from the awards night.
His name was mentioned in almost every category and as he went for his medals and trophies, I admired him. He was pleasant to my eyes…
He dropped us off at school and that was the beginning of the rest of my life.
… I was soo happy but Emma was happier…
I knew that the excitement wasn’t unrelated to being ravished.
After all, he had waited for almost three years.
…but like a baby, he slept off.
I love my husband and was eager to have him make love to me but I was also pleased to know that he genuinely loved me and the marriage had nothing to do with my body.
I woke up to breakfast in bed and a lot of pampering.
It was obvious that we were newly weds… Everyone smiled at us as Emma was always all over me but in the bedroom, we somehow never reached the main “event”. The prelude was fantastic but day after day all I got was the prelude.
Days turned to weeks and weeks to a month and my hymen was still intact.
I was confused and couldn’t tell anyone what was happening.
The next morning, Emma was so sorry. He sent text messages telling me how we have eternity to spend together… “Eternity?
What has that got to do with my hymen?”
The days that followed had Emma showering me with the nicest gifts but no explanation as to why he hadn’t slept with his lawfully wedded wife.
As if my problems weren’t enough, his mum called.
She informed me of her intended visit at the end of the month. If I was on any contraceptives, I need to discontinue with it because she would be coming with herbs to speed up my ability to conceive.
She reminded me that Emma is an only child and so, the ‘ Family’ is anxious to welcome heirs. Especially Sons.
Hahahahahaha! “ heirs?” “ How?”
Few days later, I got a very detailed mail from the only person that knew what I was going through. She made my problem seem so small as she pointed me towards a BIG God. She explained to me that the first step to every problem was to talk to the One who knows the end from the beginning.
I realized that I had cried, screamed and thought but I had never really prayed. I had never really poured out my heart to the One who has the answer to my problem. For the first time, I knelt down and talked to God, Father to daughter.
What great relief it was, I was lighter than I had been for months .
As I moved to her second advice, I was shocked at what I found out .. I couldn’t wait for Emma to return…
The Reality Stage …
As Emma walked through the door, I welcomed him warmly with a smile
(I hadn’t done that in a while)
I could see the skepticism on his face. He wanted to know what changed.
“Emma I want to accept what you have to offer.
It’s for better or for worse … this is the worse.
It can only get better” I said.
He stared at me and fought the tears that almost popped out of his eyes but he didn’t say a word. … read more
We also didn’t drive to the hospital. We took a taxi.
That’s how embarrassed Emma was.
If that was what it took to have him see a specialist, it was very fine by me.
The elderly doctor was just perfect!!!
His grey hair made it easy for Emma to speak so frankly. I was excited!!!
Blood samples were taken for tests to be run and after a week, we revisited still dressed like undercover police men … hahahaha!!!
… Final Stage
Diagnosis : – Erectile Dysfunction secondary type 2 diabetes mellitus.
Dr Ibeh explained that Emma has a temporary impotence which was caused by a type 2 diabetes. He further explained that the diabetes had caused insufficient blood supply to his penis and his constant anxiety had aggravated his condition.
Emma had lived in denial for years and so, his condition had worsened with time.
He prescribed drugs and asked that we buy a vacuum pump cylinder.
This was some good news. The word temporary meant a lot to me.
… read more
… The End
*…Blog picture [trophy V] gotten from https://pixabay.com/en/woman-girl-freedom-happy-sun-591576/ through google search.
We met at a club and he was as bubbly as I wanted my husband to be; His passion for what he liked, got my attention, the adventures he was ready to try out blew me away. Bayo and I were two musketeers on a wild adventure.
we did everything that could be done by two young adults and I was satisfied with the choice I had made.
… I didn’t prepare to be a pastor’s wife, but some how I had to play the role and
look the part
Week two …
Bayo’s schedule become demanding. He went from one pastor’s conference to another. He sat for hours after work to prepare sermons and at night, he prayed for hours while I craved his touch …
Bayo suddenly became boring; He stopped drinking, clubbing, or listening to Nigerian secular music. These were the things I enjoyed doing with my adventurous Bayo but they were not my major disappointments. I was lonely …
I longed for more … more fun time with my husband. I told him anytime I had the chance to but promises were all I got.
One Sunday afternoon after church, I got a text message that changed everything. It read:
Week three …
My dear Pastor,
I have watched you for a while and I see a very lonely woman.
Although you try to mask it with your beautiful smile.
It is obvious to me.
I am a good listening ear.
I can be a very good friend.
I knew Dr. Ade but couldn’t figure out what gave him the guts to send such a text. I was so furious!!!
… Final Week.
The lady at the other end of the call was crying hysterically. I could hardly make out what she said but I heard her mention Ade’s name.
Had something happened to my friend?
I quickly called Ade’s phone as my hand shook and he picked the call and was as cheerful as ever. I explained what had happened with the lady. Without hesitating he told me it was his wife.
His Wife???!!! OMG!!!
Final week …
I knew he was married but I never thought of how our friendship
would affect her. I was so sorry and afraid too…
I thought of deleting all our messages and throwing my sim card away
but Ade had the messages too… I was so confused and didn’t know
who to talk to. My heart raced so fast I thought it would pop out of my chest …
I had no one to confide in except Bayo. The hours that went by felt like days.
I could barely eat. I was too afraid to tell Bayo.
What if Ade’s wife comes to church to make a scene? Ahh!!!
“ God direct me on what to do” , “ I am ashamed and afraid”.
As for Ade, he made things even more complicated.
He started sending messages to say he had fallen in love with me.
… Weeks Ahead ???